Blog | Zuza Engler | Transformative Dance & Embodied Inquiry The Seven Secrets of a Perfect Relationship

BY ZUZA ENGLER

The Seven Secrets of a Perfect Relationship

Yes you too are in relationship, even if you're technically single. Pick any important person in your life, or yourself, and see if these apply.

  1. Spend time on your own before you venture into relating. This is a no brainer but so often disregarded, especially in emotionally fused relationships. Sometimes we have to be reminded that some answers are found within, and the intimacy we so long for begins at home. (Meaning, at home inside each of us.)
  2. When you look at your partner, focus on space rather than form. This has taught us to open up our vision when we look at each other. Especially when I feel like I'm not getting what I want: to see my partner as the big, mysterious Life that s/he is, not just the answer to my need.
  3. Show up to listen, and listen from the heart. Another duh! but how often am I really willing to put my agenda aside for a moment and really listen to my partner?
  4. Give yourself and hold onto yourself. Are you really good at one or the other? Yeah, we know, us too. But maturity and depth in relationship relies on both people being able to maintain their center and closeness at the same time. Makes for way more interesting dances too.
  5. Welcome everything; push away nothing. This is a principle of Gestalt Awareness Practice, and also what we practiced during my years of working with Zen Hospice Project. When applied to the dance (or marriage) it allows me to give me, and you, limitless space to exist and permission to express. Also known as love.
  6. In the place of limitation, find possibility. Limitation is a fact of this our human existence. It also holds a vastly underestimated potential for liberation. The confines of a monogamous marriage, a road trip, or an awareness inquiry that asks me to follow a certain form: that's where freedom rings my friend!
  7. Relax into the cycle of contraction and expansion.

We encourage you to permanently boycott the myth of uninterrupted happily ever after for it has created a lot of unnecessary suffering. Let's stop giving ourselves and each other a hard time for what is the natural cycle of life, dance, and relationship: connection ... disconnection ... connection .... disconnection .... etc. etc.

To discover more, come practice with us.